‘Diary of my former self'

In this work I have continued to explore the notion of social media, which precipitately has conducted my recent works to this point. I continue to question myself as an artist within these works. To question whether this has become an outlet to express my emotions and deep intellectual thoughts that would once other wise be confined behind a computer interface or masking layers over reality.

In this work I have revealed intimate details of my life containing confronting raw emotions revealing my insecurity and imperfection as the rest of the world.  This work becomes a personal integration of emotions, which dialects intimacy with the viewer and engages the viewer to consider expressions of universal emotions.

The viewer is the confronted with the artist’s intimate personal experience to social expectations and identity putting myself as the artist in the installation, in a hypothetical tense.

Media and society portrayals of practicing the ideal body and appearance became suffocating and isolated within the mind that it became a constant emotion and desire to reach that state of ideal image.

This cognitive distortion of reaching this state of “society acceptance” became a self-obsession with the uttermost desire to reach that state. The significance of my mental obsession to reach this state of desire resulted in bulimia, which suffocated and confined all my emotions throughout the period of nearly 2 years, stripping away my identity momentarily, while I was so constructed on this mental ‘drug’.

The entitle of the work “Diary of my former self” says as much if not more than the work does itself. The notion of a diary is perceived to be a personal intimate record of ones experiences and emotional reflections. In this installation the toilet acts as a diary to which the raw emotions confided within me where hypothetically flushed away, in fear of decrementing my desirable persona.

A diary we also conceive to be a book format, which encloses information, is portrayed as the toilet, which encloses the raw emotions, confined in my addiction dealing with the constant over exposure of the ideal persona and body image.

The toilet, which is often, a personal confined space, habitually overlooked of any significance, becomes very confronting and overwhelming when encountering the work. The writing contained within the toilet expresses the raw emotions hidden and concealed behind the morphing layers of reality. 

The viewer is confronted with hand written, impromptu script, which no attempt to cover or diminish imperfections, rather embrace and let the imperfections define the work in dialogue to reality. In the attempt to flush these deep raw emotions away to derive or alienate them from your conscious mind, the viewer becomes aware that these emotions still remain fixed in the mind, which is adherent and illustrated in this work.

 “I want you to know how normal you feel, you have become habit of my daily life. I rely on you everyday as a relief from the social expectations that suffocate my identity. You give me relief and help me see that everyone thinks perfection is not within.  But why don’t people understand? Why can’t they be there to listen and help me confide my addiction to you? I don’t want them to tell me I need help, when I cant see you as mental disorder. I don’t know who I am anymore, I cant physically put in to words to tell people what physical and mental strain you put on me because that would be admitting to myself you are ripping my identity away. I feel so isolated and alone, all I want to do is talk but the anonymity of my raw emotions being exposed could make people look at me different, like I am mental, but I am still me. Can’t you see? “